Exploring my inner self

I get annoyed when people say ‘excuse me’ or ‘pardon’ or ask me to repeat myself. You may think this is nothing to get peeved or frustrated about. But in my case, it is. In fact, I am a bit different. Actually, I sound a bit different when I speak. I was born with a nasal voice (try speaking with your nostrils closed. Yes, that’s how I speak), which now has transformed into a ‘hyper nasal tone’, resulting in episodic changes in my behaviour. During that period, my voice never became a point of concern for me. Yes, I used to hear complaints regarding the hoarseness of my voice, but at that time nothing really mattered. Things were running smoothly, life was easy and I was comfortable being myself. But then, after I completed my schooling and started with my higher studies, an extreme change occurred.

I was exposed to the Capital city, introduced to new people and new lifestyles. New mates, new college, that sense of anticipation and enthusiasm. It was my first day of college and introduction classes were going on. I sensed a bit of trepidation, as my new friends couldn’t understand my speech at that time. This was not much of a big deal as they might not have been used to a nasal voice before. Classes commenced.

In the following days, I heard my classmates, especially the boys, making rude comments about me, mimicking my nasal voice. And of course, the girls joined in. They would tease me behind my back. This behaviour continued on a regular basis and I was left friendless, humiliated and exhausted.

Even my teachers couldn’t understand my speech at a go. They used to ask me to repeat my questions once, sometimes twice and even thrice. It was not that bad initially. But seeing my teachers with the same confused expression every time I stood up to ask questions made me feel awkward. The giggling of some students and the harsh comments from the backbench made my eyes water. It broke my heart. After being the centre of criticism in such circumstances, I thought of giving a break to my restless tongue.

I am a talkative girl but then I slowed down. Even on the bus home, I started would be silent with my headphones stuffed over my ears, pretending to be uninterested in the conversations around me. I became shy and quiet, although within me, I was dying to speak out.

Not only in college, but my voice became the household talk during family functions and gatherings as well. I was made a piece of mockery among my family members too! Finally, I decided to consult

a doctor. Continuous medicaments and physiotherapeutic treatments brought no noticeable results. I was hopeless and cursed god for making me this way. For about a couple of months, I was lost.

Slowly, I started adapting to people’s criticism and attitude towards me. I was so frustrated by then, that their words stopped affected me. I started to regain my lost confidence and ignored people’s commentary. I started asking myself what my reaction would be if I was completely dumb or if my senses were impaired. If a small flaw made me feel so feeble and shackled my confidence, then how would a disabled person feel in similar situations? It would be an end to their world. There is more to worry about, than to blame god for making us different.

Even today, people pull my leg, taunt me with various names but I accept this with a smile on my face. This is how I am. On a positive note, each person whom I’ve had a conversation with recognises me because of my nasal voice. I’m gaining popularity in my neighborhood, college and among my friends due to my unique nasal voice. So, it’s not even as bad as it sounds. Even on public transport, whenever the conductor asks me,

“Didi, kaha jane?” and I reply, “Balkhu jane,” each pair of eyes in the vehicle turns to look at me.

How many people are blessed with such a hyper nasal voice? Maybe one in a million. If you feel unique wupen you are criticised, you are one of my species. So, guys and girls, see how unique I am. Are you?

Posted on: 2013-03-10 08:37

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